Insomnia, again. A nightmare recurring regularly, insomnia entangles my life endlessly. And the unceasing perplexity is no picnic as it has been troubling me for seven to eight years, during which the recurrence exhausted my soul. I don’t know for how many nights I have been staying awake and still forcing myself to open my eyes to drive the next day. My heart, which is bleeding due to insomnia, has no strength to calculate how many days I suffer from insomnia every year.
The CD player in my car is playing Nakashima Mika’s Hitori:
(The memory I have had with you lingers
I am leaning against the memory and surviving on it
A person as merciless as me still can’t forget until now)
For most people, this sounds like a love song. But for me, I cannot but smile bitterly. For when I replace 君 (kimi, you) with sleep, imagining myself recalling the old days when I had sound sleep when singing 寄り添いながら生きている (I am leaning against the memory and surviving on it), Nakashima’s song is healing my wound.
Forcefully opening my eyes
Healing with Nakashima’s singing
What a paradox in life