一些人在三十歲左右或之前就做了一些流芳千古的大事業。村上春樹在二十九歲寫第一部小說《聽風的歌》、Beyond在三十歲之前第一次在紅磡體育館開唱、愛爾蘭搖滾班霸U2發表The Joshua Tree大碟並贏得葛萊美音樂獎時主音Bono年方廿七、Thom Yorke領軍的Radiohead發表OK Computer大碟、Luna Sea早在三十歲就經已在日本搖滾樂壇寫下了十年的歷史樂章然後在Tokyo Dome舉辦兩場The Final Act演唱會之後暫時解散….
生長在這個年代，身邊一切的一切都顯得那麼荒謬，尤其是跟政治有關的事情。我很痛恨政治，但又喜歡假裝關心政治，其實心中最卑微的願望就只不過是希望某一個早上起身出門食早餐嘆咖啡的時候，那些面目可憎的政治人物可以不要剛好出現在咖啡廳的電視螢幕上，或者隔壁桌大叔手中那份報紙的頭版可以不是他們的照片。三十歲了，我都還不能明白何以人世間的報紙頭條都在講一些悲哀的事情，不是某某黨團攻訐敵對陣營，就是某某國家又在印鈔票還大言不慚地號稱什麼credit easing或quantitative easing (量化寬鬆)，或者是氣候變得極端某某地方突然下雪某某所在暴雨淹沒多少個村落。整天講這些事情講了這麼多年，我們不會覺得無聊嗎？爲什麼報紙就是不可以在頭版刊登一些好玩的事情，譬如研究一下用電飯鍋煮咖啡會不會比較香、穿皮鞋游泳會不會抽筋、或者在頭版徵文，標題爲〈昨晚外星人綁架了我，然後….〉，請讀者投稿天馬行空寫故事，第二天把最精彩的故事登在頭版，請讀者再接力寫第三天的故事。這才是第四權吧，保證人人天天大笑的第四權，我在想。
Anyway, come what it may. 至少努力過，至少嘗試過活出心目中的自己。
這一生 或者一出發 已在歸去
至少不會 沒有開始 就已草草結束
11 July 2012, I have officially joined the 30s club. Prior to the arrival of this day, no matter how manipulating did I try to tell people around me that I am still 29 years old, no matter how I indulged in the false joy to be one year younger before my birthday during my 20s, but once this day comes around, I couldn’t but to force myself remember that I am already one year older. And today, be it self-deceiving or pretending to be knowing nothing in front of others, I have already lost the youthfulness in my 20s, and it is impossible to still carry on singing Beyond’s Ah Bok:–
I’m Ah Bok, already twenty-something years old
Everybody’s busy but I love playing a fool most
Everybody says I’m wasting myself
Everybody feels insecure and I’m the only one who doesn’t care
I’m done with all those rantings
Let my ideal disappear; who cares how present life will be like
A number of people have accomplished great careers and left a good name in history around 30 years old or well before it. Haruki Murakami wrote his first novel Hear the Wind Sing when he was 29; Beyond had their first concert in Hong Kong Coliseum in the second half of their 20s; when top Irish rock band U2 released their Grammy Award-winning album The Joshua Tree vocalist Bono was just 27; Radiohead, led by vocalist Thom Yorke, released OK Computer album; and Luna Sea, when they were 30 years old, they had already written ten-year music notes in Japanese rock music history, and disbanded temporarily right after The Final Act, a two-night concert, in Tokyo Dome.
Looking at the art achievement of these seniors, I felt deeply ashamed—they have left for the world some artworks which the future generation will be very proud of. And looking at myself, what I have created for my own artwork? I will never succumb to nor console myself with the lame excuse that creating artwork is time-consuming, and I will force myself to be more zealous. Put it this way, when I think to myself that I should not procrastinate some projects anymore, I will get it done as soon as possible. After all, I can still control the speed of my artwork production, especially when there aren’t any technical problems.
I sound like an enthusiast? Not really.
Living in this era, every bit of everything seems so ridiculous, especially those matters related to politics. I really hate politics, however, I enjoy pretending that I care about politics. In fact, it is my humblest wish to have woken up one morning and enjoy breakfast in a café without those irritating politicians appearing on the café’s TV screen. Or the front page of the newspaper held by the uncle sitting at next table do not show their faces. 30 years old by now, I still can’t quite figure out why on earth those worldly newspapers have been ranting about saddening stuff. If it is not grumbling about a political party attacking its opponent, it may be about this country A or B is printing money and justifies its money-photostatting shamelessly with whatsoever financial terms like credit easing or quantitative easing. Or, the climate change is getting out of hand in that it snows in certain place all of sudden, and it rains cats and dogs in this or that country and how many villages are flooded. Blah blah blah. Don’t we feel bored when we are talking about these matters for years and years? Why just can’t newspapers discuss something interesting on their front pages? Such as conducting a research to find out if a rice cooker makes better coffee, or do we cramp if we put on leather shoes to swim? Or a newspaper calls for story submissions on its front page with the title Aliens Kidnapped Me Last Night, and…. Invite the readers to write with their creative juice flowing, publish the best story on the next day’s front page, and invite the readers to carry on with the marathon to write the third day’s story. This is the truly Fourth Estate, I guess, the Fourth Estate which ensures people laugh their heads off everyday.
Alright, throw away all newspapers, focus on my own work and life. Is this all-right? Unfortunately, living in this era, no matter wherever I escape, I will still have to deal with a very fact—unless you happen to have the luck to be a high income office worker, otherwise, whichever corner of the world you go, you are still a poor employee who can’t afford your own apartment. Another very fact is that in this era of extremism, it is freaking hot right now and downpour rages the next second; you have your meals today and severe global food crisis occurs tomorrow; obtained several degrees and certifications but still working on contract basis; in the morning the bank says it is going to expand its business, and it goes bankrupt in the afternoon…..Every bit of everything is no longer a matter of course as the past, and world population hits 7 billion and the number doubles and triples, people become restless and bring soldiers to war to grab food, oil and clean water. When we observe these scenarios thoroughly, I really do not understand what sort of hope is left for this world. And it turns out to be, hopelessness is the gift we leave for our kids and grandchildren (if you still think you should bring your kids to this miserable world).
I observe these matters rather fidgetingly. But since Taoism philosophy professes something means nothing, nothing means something; every worldly matter is all about something and nothing breeding each other, so allow me to talk about something and nothing is breeding each other—I know the world has lost its hope (nothing), so I anticipate myself to create some artwork which makes me happy (something), and be keen to learn Murakami’s attitude in life, which he says—
“I don’t have those stuff that accumulates as I grow older, like colleagues and children. Since I don’t have these stuff, time and age mean nothing to me. I have nothing in this world but my wife. The feeling of surviving on my own feet, is perhaps freedom.”
Anyway, come what it may. At least I have worked hard, and tried to live out my ideal self.
This life, is perhaps going back when it starts,
At least, you never end it hastily without even a start.
~ EASON CHAN Ending Starting
Thanks to every person who wishes me happy birthday.